i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
