everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
