He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
