I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
