Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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