WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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