This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
