Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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