I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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