I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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