Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
