Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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