She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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