she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
