the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
