you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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