I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
