everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
