Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
