I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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