I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They took my balls.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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