its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
