just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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