i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
