We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
