I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
