she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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