i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
