I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
