sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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