I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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