Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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