you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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