thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
