I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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