I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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