The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
