am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had to cum in my sink.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
