Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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