The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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