Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
