we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
