the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
