My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
