Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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