Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
