Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
