Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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