It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
