good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
