Your face is a jimmy john
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
